Posts Tagged ‘Ephesians 3:14-16’

I feel sick. Not the head-achy, stuffy nose kind of sick, but the knot in my stomach, disgust rising in my throat kind. And the more I read the writings of well-intentioned Christian authors, the more sick I feel.

Authors who I find while looking for advice on how to be a better wife, so I can have a better marriage write things like this:


Unless your life is in danger, stick it out.”


Keep conversations at home “light and airy.” A man will stay on guard if he thinks you’re going to bring up problems. One of your goals is to create a secure emotional climate at home so that your husband will feel it is safe to talk to you. When he is ready to talk, LISTEN. He will think you are wonderful. Let him initiate these conversations.”


OBEY your husband! There are few times when it will conflict with God’s will. Have a sweet spirit about you.”


God can give you grace to ignore any unkind words or actions from your mate.”


Mothers belong at home (1st Timothy 5:14). It’s far better to be burned out at home than to be burned out at work in a plethora of temptations. I don’t care who you are, you cannot rise above temptation. Though God always makes a way to escape, why take chances by walking in the workplace of the ungodly. It surely is no place for a Christian lady.”


What the Lord doesn’t change in your spouse, learn to accept and live with—and if possible, enjoy or even appreciate.”


Don’t add to your husband’s stresses with demands or pressure.”


I can’t imagine under what circumstances any of this advice would ever be helpful, but it is definitely the WRONG advice when a spouse has ADD.

 “It might sound hard to believe, but when ADD is in the picture. The wrong therapy can be worse than no therapy. One long time support group member echoes the group consensus: ‘At best, therapy that fails to acknowledge ADD is a waste of time and money. At worst, it is destructive and can exacerbate everybody’s problems. My fantasy is to put all the couples counselors who blamed me instead of my spouse’s ADD behavior on a 14 day cruise with all our ADD partners. No days in harbor – just out to sea.”

As I read through my journal and this blog, I cant help but wonder, “Where has God been in all this?” . . . “What has He been trying to teach me?” . . . I have suffered much over the course of my marriage and I feel like the only lessons learned are :

1) my husband will hurt me
2) I need to protect myself from him

Shouldn’t there be some higher spiritual application? Something more relevant than this? Instead, I can only nod my head in agreement when I read these word from a non ADD spouse:

 My husband just hurts me and moves on, then hurts me again. And if he is moving on, he thinks I should be, too – He just doesn’t get it, that you can hurt someone emotionally only so many times and then the person stays tensed up waiting to be hurt again.”

Now that is something I can say (shout), “Amen(!)” to. But where do ADD and God and marriage meet? Or any kind of emotional abuse for that matter? The Christian community’s answer seems to be the age-old response of “wifely submission”, but that is of no use to me.

Ephesians 3:14-16 When I think of the wisdom and scope of God’s plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from His glorious unlimited resources He will give (me) mighty inner strength through His Holy Spirit.


Read Full Post »