Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Self protection’

My heart has been broken. It happened a long time ago. And I’ve never healed. Or maybe I have, since the wound no longer bleeds. But instead of the scars making me stronger in those broken places, my heart has become harder.

Cautious.

Calloused.

Self protective.

I’ve been told love is dangerous. I think I’ve subconsciously believed it to be true. That would explain why I keep those I love at a distance. After all, what we believe determines how we live . . .

Was it the loss of my mother at such a young age that taught me to not hold on too tightly? Or was it the rejection I felt from my father and the family that raised me (after my mother’s death) that has allowed me to easily detach? Maybe it was the trampling my self-worth endured from the betrayal of my first love that has kept me suspicious in the existence of life enduring, whole-hearted love . . .

Its only been recently that I’ve become conscious of the long-lasting effects the broken heart of a life time ago has had.

As much as I’d like to ignore it – I can’t.

I see the repercussions in all my closest relationships.

How could I be living this way for so long and not realize it till now?

But it’s not enough just to know . . . to be aware.

I have to fix

Change.

Amend.

My future and the well-being of my self, my children, my marriage, my life depends on it.

I once wrote, “there is healing and humility in authenticity”

(wordpress.com/2012/01/04/the-real-thing-is-always-better-than-a-good-knock-off/)

At the time, I was referring to my fear of letting others see what dysfunction was going on in our home as the result of my husband’s behavior. Now I am seeing those words and realize they apply to so much more.

To love authentically can bring healing.
To love vulnerably can bring humility.

Asking God to help me do both as I continue to identify and tear down all the walls surrounding my heart.

Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me.”

Advertisements

Read Full Post »